Jonathan Calvert Stott

Wow, it has been a long week. I will start from the beginning for those who are interested...warning: this will be a LONG post so be prepared!

Om Wednesday, October 29, 2008 I was admitted to the hospital at 7 p.m. to begin the process of bringing our baby into the world. At about 8:30 p.m. all the admitting process was completed and they placed the medication citadel to aid in ripening my cervix. Although an effective drug I would think twice before having this done again...I will spare you the details here, but if anyone has questions or is considering this choice I will share the experience with you. Basically the medication is embedded in a piece of cardboard that is placed behind the cervix (not comfortable) and then removed once it has done its job. Of the entire birthing experience the most painful part for me was all that involved this process... although still fresh enough in my mind I think these memories will fade (hopefully!) Just before 11:00 pm that night my contractions began to be consistently 5 minutes apart and I entered the phase of "active labor." I'm not sure what time the back labor started, but it was intense. Very much the same as kidney stones, just with little breaks in between. I ended up having an epidural done at 2:15 am mostly due to the back labor, but also because I was in so much pain from the citadel that I couldn't handle the exams. The epidural was just what I needed. It wasn't fully successful and my left side didn't get the full effects, but it was enough to take care of the back labor and make the exams bearable. Sometime around 7am my OB arrived to check on my progress and determined that I was around 3-4 cm and that although there hadn't really been much fluid loss my bag of waters had indeed already ruptured so she didn't need to break my water for me. She decided that if I continued to progress on my own that they would not start the pitocin. Around 11:30 I hadn't progressed beyond a 5 so they decided to start the pitocin. I should mention that I did still feel most of my contractions but I just gripped the bed rail with one hand and someone else's hand with the other and breathed it out. Around 1:45/2:00 I told them that I was feeling like I wanted to push. The nurse checked me and said that I was not fully dilated yet, just 9cm. She called the OB and then returned to ask me if I could bear with it and "labor down" and just let the contractions do the work of getting baby down the canal to save myself from that amount of pushing. I thought sure whatever. At 3:15ish I was given the go ahead to start pushing and so I did. Once I was repositioned for the pushing part though my contractions slowed down. I was so irritated by that! They upped the pitocin and I decided that anything I got for a contraction counted and I was pushing. I made those contractions count too--I got at least 3 good pushes out of each one. I was told that I pushed for about 50 minutes, but I was so focused that time was irrelevant at that point. I just wanted to get that baby out of there no matter what it took! I have to say that there is nothing more incredible than delivering a baby into this world. I was lucky enough to be surrounded by people I love and who love me and knew just the right things to say and do to help me. My husband, mother, sisters, friend, OB, and nurses kept telling me how amazing I was doing and encouraging me to keep pushing I was almost there. How could I not believe them and keep pushing? I will never forget the moment that I gave that final push and felt everything rush out and then being told to open my eyes and see my son. They placed that beautiful baby boy across my chest and I just held him tight and cried (like I am crying now as I type this). He was so perfect and precious. I had worked so hard and this little miracle was now here in my arms. I hope that I never forget the way that I felt at that moment. I looked up into my husbands eyes and knew that we had just been co-creators with our Father in Heaven and this child was not only going to be in my arms for now, but for all of eternity and my Father trusts us enough to let us care for him here on earth. A million thoughts raced through my mind at this time, the only one I really remember and laugh about is this: I thought to myself, that wasn't so bad if this is how you feel once the baby is born I could totally do this again. (Don't worry though, I am not trying to do this again in 9 months or anything, just at some point in the future...lol!)

I was so tired from all of this that the next couple of hours are kind of a blur to me and I was fading in and out of sleep. I feel like I missed a lot, but I needed to sleep! The next several hours were uneventful and I just slept a lot and cared for my new little one. I heard that there were something like 17 babies delivered that day, the hospital was on divert for deliveries and women just kept showing up. There was one delivery that didn't go so well and ended up with mom nearly bleeding out and having a hysterectomy. I just kept telling myself that I was so blessed that everything went so smoothly. I had a fever during my labor/delivery so I had to be on IV antibiotics for 24 hours after delivery, but since my fever had dissipated since delivery I was given the go ahead to be discharged to go home Halloween night. They had some blood work that baby Jonathan needed to have done first though so we got that done and found out that our sweet little babe had too much bilirubin (jaundiced); however, the pediatrician on call felt that if we returned for another draw in 24 hours that we would be fine to go home that night.

That was a long night... when the bili is high babies are very lethargic and I couldn't get Jonathan to wake up enough to latch on and nurse. He finally was hysterically crying for hunger and wouldn't calm down enough to eat so I called my own personal baby expert and my mother rushed over and we gave him some formula to calm him down and get him fed. I slept most of the morning and had to feed Jonathan bottles to get him to eat and I pumped to pretend like I was still nursing. I called the hospital to find out if I could meet with the lactation nurse when we came back for his draw and she said if we came in asap then she would have time to help us, otherwise she wouldn't be there. We then rushed off to the hospital and met with the nicest lactation nurse in the world. I will never forget the peace that Lori brought into my life at that moment. I was of course feeling despair like I was a failure as a mom already and my son wasn't even 2 full days old yet! She got him latched on and nursing in like 5 minutes, I have decided she is a miracle worker. His bili was still high so there was concern that we would have to stay overnight under the lamps, but our pediatrician said that if we came into see him first thing this morning then we could go home. I thought the first night was long! Last night takes the cake so far (like I have so many nights to compare to...hopefully this isn't some sort of sign that each night will be progressively longer!) I have to supplement Jonathan's feedings and the process is quite involved and requires someone to help me so both Andrew and I got to be up for all the feedings. The concern with using a bottle is that Jonathan will stay lazy on his nursing and won't ever take to the breast so we are "selling him" on the breast. Basically I wear a nipple shield and then we fill that with formula to get him to latch on and then we slip a line that is attached to a syringe with formula in it into his mouth and he is "tricked" into thinking he is getting his milk from me. The benefits of doing it this way are that he gets my colostrum mixed in, we know he is eating enough, and he has to suck the milk from the syringe so he is still having to work at it. He has been quite the trooper in dealing with our retarded efforts to mimic the lactation nurses expertise. Seriously, I only have to supplement until my milk comes in and I told Andrew that we won't figure out this process to a point of "perfection" until we don't have to do it anymore! Then Jonathan spent 45 minutes crying inconsolably only to sleep for about 15 minutes and then cry again for another 30 minutes. I just rocked him in front of the fireplace and had some music on. He wasn't in hysterics just wasn't too happy for whatever reason. It is amazing to me how much patience I could have and how although I was exhausted I could still be wide awake to care for my son. I kept telling him "you are lucky your mother loves you!"

This morning we went of to the pediatrician's office and had his blood tested again (poor kiddo, his little heel keeps getting stuck) and he was examined. The Dr said that his levels were still on the high side but they were leveling out and tapering off. At this point the treatment is just to supplement his feedings until my milk comes in and re-check his blood in 48 hours. He has to clear the bili out of his system and the only way to do that is through his digestive tract. One thing is for sure, the more he eats the more his skin color improves and the more alert he is getting. Every hour he is a new little personality to get to know.

I feel so overwhelmed at this moment with how blessed I am to be a mother to this sweet little baby. I know it won't always be easy, this post tells enough of that, but it will be worth it. When we were at the hospital yesterday there were 2 babies brought into the nursery, one with an unknown infection that was in severe respiratory distress and the other with severe jaundice and respiratory symptoms. Those poor parents were sitting off to the side obviously struggling to keep their emotions in check and I couldn't help but think to myself how lucky we were. I feel so bad for those parents and am impressed by the strength they must have to handle that situation and I am reminded that our life here on this earth is filled with both the good and the bad. It is important for us to experience the sorrows this life can offer in order to recognize the joy that can be felt. I have honestly never felt more joy to this point in my life than the moment I held my newborn son in my arms for the first time and it completely washed away all the discomfort and pains I had experienced in carrying him and delivering him. I am so grateful that we have a Father up in Heaven who loves us so much to allow us to make our own choices and to live our lives here on earth to experience all that He has to offer us.

All that novel being done here are the much anticipated pictures of my beautiful son:

(Bath time at the hospital)

(Adrian's first time holding his new little brother)

(Luke's first time holding his new little brother)

(Adrian holding what my mom thought was a cabbage patch doll...ummm hello mom that is your grandson Jonathan!)

Happy Halloween!!!!

(First bath at home)

(Jonathan was much happier to be wrapped up in a towel than naked in the tub!)